The Atman Is Beyond Stain

"The Inner Self (Atman) is blissful because it is not stained by the mechanics and ruminations of time."

~Bhakti Brophy

Photo & post © 2015 Brophy

JAI BHAKTI™ Blog: Tapas, Trust, And Grace

Dearest Ones,

I went through a period of profound purification caused by tapas (spiritual austerities) the past two months.

While we go through this heavy, dark period of angst and depression,

the mind is not fickle about helping us forget that the purifying aspects of tapas is not only a part of the 

spiritual journey,

but an essential clearing out of samskaras--old habits/tendencies etched in the fabric

of our subconscious minds.

In the midst of this round of purification,

the elephant I was wrestling in the dark was unadulterated fear.

Fear, in any form,  always comes back to fear of death. Always.

For me, it was not so much my own mortality I was fearing. I made peace with

my mortality years ago. I would have to in order to navigate my way through life

with these spinal cord injuries and severe nerve pain.

A decade ago I used to say I had no fear of death,

I only had fear of living the rest of my life

in this hellish pain.

I was not wrestling with fear of my own death, it was more a fear of those around me dying.

Not being physically able to care for myself compounded the angst. (It's not surprising to me that dealing with unadulterated fear was at the center of my tapasya. In the past ten months, 13 friends and family members have died. Yama's been a busy god of death in my area as of late.)

During the purifying process, we tend to feel once removed

from the Self within-- the Atman, our truest and highest Self (aka God, Pure Consciousness, insert your word of choice here ______).

It's not that we forget that the Self/God dwells within the Heart Center,

we simply cannot access this sanctuary freely. Our mind helps us forget the portals of entry, be it chanting, meditating, practicing hatha, kriya, or jnana yoga. We don't feel it's innate pull, the longing to get back. This causes more angst, and, as mentioned above,

the mind is not going to remind you how to access the Self within.

Ha! No.

The ego enjoys dragging us back down

to its state of ignorance.

It's at this time that some lose faith;

they feel forsaken.

It's at this time we must Trust.

If God, in the form of Pure Consciousness,

has created everything, everywhere,

how could God ever leave?

Where could he go that he is not already?

If God is everywhere,

within everything,

He cannot leave.

Hence, there is no "finding" God/The Self within and without,

only discovering and remembrance of That which always was present, even if we weren't.

Once we realize that our angst, depression, and heaviness of Heart

is a causal effect of tapas--

once we remember what we forgot (that we are the Self within),

we sometimes get angry at God for hiding His presence from us.

This is a good time to contemplate the word grace.

The Nataraj, the murti (sculpture) of Lord Shiva dancing while

crushing the ego under foot,

has a five-fold function,

one of them being the ability to veil Himself from us, and

another being the giver of grace that enables us to experience Him again.

At the moment we remember the Self within--

that glorious energy center within that sages, seers, and mystic poets

have aptly coined the ocean of bliss,

that is when we bow our heads below our Hearts

and say thank you. Thank you for taking us back to ourSelves.

As the residual ash of tapas disappears,

we find ourselves back in union with our true nature.

I experienced this today in the form of crying tears of joy

45 minutes into meditation.

I Witnessed myself not as my body,

but as the one who knows I have a body.

Not as the one who is in pain,

but as the one who knows I experience pain.

I became The Witness, experiencing pure awareness.

Jesus revealed Himself in my Heart Center,

along with Hanuman, Krshna, Bade Baba Nityananada, Baba Muktananda, Swami Chidvilasananda Paramahansa; all of the great bhaktas were dancing within,

reminding me they had never left,

but were only shadowed by the ignorance of the small mind.

And so I say Thank You

For showing me what I need to hold on to,

and what I can leave behind.

Thank you for this gift of tapas that felt like hell,

but left me stronger and wiser.

And perhaps chipped away at that pesky ego that keeps me bound.

So Much Love,

Bhakti

Namo Namah

Photo & Essay © 2015 D.L. Bhakti Brophy

All Rights Reserved. Jai Bhakti™

What Is The Small Mind / Ego?

A student just asked me to explain the difference between the word ego as used by Freud, and the small mind/ego as it relates to raja yoga/meditation. Here's my reply.

Namo Namah,

Bhakti

The Mind Is Not Your Enemy (JAI BHAKTI™ BLOG)

Hello Friends & Students!

I trust you are all having a wonderful day.

I am in the process of writing a detailed essay on the findings of my 27 year journey into the study of how the mind works. How it does an amazing job analyzing and solving problems making our life that much easier; how it sabotages us if we believe its every whim; and yet, remarkably, how it truly is the only vehicle that takes its to the Heart Center.

I began writing this as an exercise--organizing my own thoughts in answering questions from fellow seekers and students alike. I was also watching my mind go haywire after being hit with several "heavy" experiences one after another, all while navigating my way through life with these spinal cord diseases and injuries. (My father died, then I got news that Medicare is no longer paying for some of my spinal meds. The day after I got that news my beloved uncle died, then my pain management doctor retired. In my essay I address how I worked through these challenges. Hint: the story doesn't matter.)

So many balls up in the air, the only thing I could do was take a step back and focus on pure awareness. There was no other option: that's what was going to work, and I knew it. After years of working with many wonderful and fruitful dharana techniques, meditating on pure awareness is my favorite practice--but that's another essay altogether.

'Spent the afternoon searching out the above quote from my meditation journals, to help address questions my beloved friend/student G.P. is working with in her practice.

I have been infinitely blessed by masters from all walks of life sharing their wisdom freely over the years, and so, as always, if you have a question or concern regarding your practice, please contact me through Google+ , Twitter, or Instagram. Sometimes it takes awhile for me to get back to people, depending on the condition of my spine any given day, but this is my seva, and I'm happy to help. This is a glorious seva, so thank you.


Namo Namah,

Bhakti

LIVE TODAY!

Life is short.
Live today.

~ Bhakti Brophy


As a person with four incurable spinal diseases, living on borrowed time (10 years now), I cannot stress the importance of grabbing life by the reins and forging ahead.

Let no one drag you down.
Let no one crush your spirit.

And if you should fall asunder,
Get back back up
And claim the glory that is
And always has been yours.

The Self within shines as bright as the sun
Whether or not you can see,
Sense, or acknowledge her existence.

The Self is innate
All powerful
Omniscient
And infinitely glorious...

And you are That.

Namo Namah!

Bhakti

VEDAS: THE SOURCE OF KNOWLEDGE

"The original source of knowledge is the Vedas."

~ Srimad Bhagavatam, Canto 1

THANK YOU FOR CALLING ME HOME (2005)

ॐ नमः शिवाय 

FOR YOU

Thank you for calling me home...

My beloved.

Your warmth, Your love, Your grace

Carry me beyond the mind,

Beyond the body,

Beyond the pain.

You heal me with Your loving Shakti--

After a while, I surrender.

You uphold me,

You cleanse me;

I sway to the rhythm of Your tender caress.

An ocean of nectar envelops me--

A fireball of grace

Rejuvenates me.

Your love transforms me

Until I no longer exist;

Until there is nothing

But Your love.

Thank You for calling me home.


-- Bhakti Brophy 
    जय भक्ति ™





© 12/29/2005 DL Bhakti Brophy
All Rights Reserved
(Originally published in 2005, JaiBhakti™, जय भक्ति ™)

Who Are You?

In the last three weeks I have gone through two visits to the Emergency Room, a Cat Scan, an abdominal Ultrasound, and an Endoscopy (of my upper digestive system). I had such severe stomach spasms every single time I ate ANYTHING that, at times, my mother had to place ice on my back--at my request--while I sat crouched over in a fetal position crying, writhing in pain, and riffling off every single curse word I ever heard. I tried everything possible to find a comfortable position; there wasn't one. Even after all of these tests, and the visits to the ER (where they pumped me full of morphine and told me to take Percocet for the stomach pain), my doctors were still dumb-founded as to what was causing the severe pain and my inability to eat anything without the said pain. My gastroenterologist (whom I went to for the first time two weeks ago) kept saying that maybe the pain and spasms were from one of the medications that I am on for my spinal disease. I did my own research. I think he was right.

For the past 6 weeks or so, I have been taking a prescription drug that is supposed to ease nerve pain. The side effects that I found on WebMD lists severe stomach cramps (as well as a whole other host of side effects that I have but do not wish to share with the world on this blog). I have since been weened off of the drug, and I already notice that one of the most annoying side effects has disappeared.

So, for now, my life is fueled by Ensure and frozen yogurt. That's all I can eat without stomach spasms. I am hoping that by the time this prescription drug is fully out of my system that I will be back to normal and able to focus on getting my spinal disease under control (oh yes, I am still battling the chronic pain disease known as radiculopathy--remember that??).

The point of this post is not, as one might think, to complain, to ask for sympathy, or to depress my lovely readers. Here's what I am offering you today:
The severity of the pain that I experienced during the stomach spasms (and whatever else was going on) was beyond any amount of pain that I could ever imagine (and let's all remember that I have had over 12 surgeries and procedures in my life. In other words, I know pain). The beauty of all of this pain is that I was forced to enjoy the several hours of peace that I had in between the bouts of stomach induced pain. I made a conscious effort to find things to do that I loved during these several hours every day. As anyone who reads this blog religiously knows, I always tend to find the silver lining, but I'm talking about even more than that. I've learned so much more about life during these past three weeks than I ever imagined I could learn. I thought I had a pretty solid grasp of what happiness was, and how it is cultivated. These past three weeks literally taught me, first hand, that happiness lies nowhere else but within ourselves. That sounds elementary--and we've all heard it before, but believe me, when you are faced with chronic neck and arm pain and then, on top of that, are made to experience stomach pains that have you crying like a baby and writhing around on the floor, you are forced to face the reality that happiness must be cultivated from within. And, moreover, it doesn't take much at all to be happy. I'm talking about the purest form of happiness.

I'm not quite sure if I can put into words what I am trying to convey, because it was literally a very spiritual (personal) experience, and I'm not sure if anything so close to the Truth, as it were, can be put into words. But I can guarantee you that I am not the same person I was three weeks ago. I am stronger. I have more confindence. My faith has always been strong, but my confidence is bubbling over.

My wish is to share my gifts with the world (i.e. teaching meditation, working with gay youth, teaching writing, etc.). Going through such physical pain did something to me, and, like I've said before, I have been through my share of physical pain. The last three weeks have been unbelievably difficult. But I am stronger now.

Thank you for reading this long post.
(Please note: I have not yet had the chance to proof-read what I have written, so please excuse any typos, etc.)

With love,
Bhakti

Pain Can Set You Free

Throughout the past seven months, I have been trying to learn how to deal with chronic pain. I can personally tell you that pain can be used as a doorway to the Truth. The subtle observation of pain, and the realization that pain itself is a manifestation of the conscious energy that creates everything, can be a way to transcend the pain itself. To view pain as a ball of energy, as a constricted form of the conscious energy that exists in everything, and to go inside the ball of energy and then let it dissolve into the bliss and joy of the Heart is the way to freedom when experiencing chronic pain. This may not make sense to those of you who have not or do not experience chronic pain; however, pain can be a doorway into caitanya, into the freedom of the blemish free soul: into our true being.

In other words, pain, too, just like everything else that exists, is a manifestation of energy. What I'm saying is don't be afraid of the pain. Don't run from the pain. If you are in pain (whether physical or mental) just be with the pain. Label it as a manifestation of energy. Watch this 'ball of energy' that is pain, and let it dissolve. It will dissolve back into the pure energy that it came from.

How to do this? Let's say you are in mental anguish because you are angry at yourself or someone else. Don't think about what triggered you to be angry. In other words, forget about who or what made you angry. Just sit with the feelings and the emotions that you are experiencing. Recognize in what part of the body you feel the energy most significantly. Just sit with the feeling. Then, take an in breath and breathe into the energy. Breathe into your feelings of anger. You will witness the feeling dissolving.

So much of the time, we, as humans, feel it is not 'okay' to be angry. We think it makes us less human, or less worthy of being loved if we are angry. But, I have found that the key is not to push away the anger, as this only suppresses the feelings of anger--they eventually have to come out somehow, maybe in the form of a disease or illness, or in the form of frantic, uncontrollable rage. We must accept that feeling angry is okay, because it is a natural human emotion. Contrary to popular belief, emotions are not good or bad, they just are.

If we could just embrace the fact that we are angry, and sit with our feelings--forgetting about the trigger--but just sit and acknowledge our feelings, then we will find that they will dissolve back into the pure energy whence they came from. Just like a violent wave that crashes upon the shore dissolves back into the ocean, so too will your feelings of anger return back into their source, which, of course, is pure bliss. The bliss of the Heart.

All emotions are cyclical. No emotions last forever. To be truly alive, we must not cling to them. We must witness them, acknowledge them, and let them flow back to the source.

Is it possible to stop a wave from crashing onto the shore? Is it truly possible to deny ourselves the feelings of anger?

No. To be alive means to have emotions and feelings. To be truthful to our own being, we must experience our emotions. We must 'go with the flow'. To go with the flow, we mustn't cling to the river bank, we must trust our experience of life, and experience everything fully.

If we view physical pain in this way, we can experience it as a manifestation of the loving energy that has created all. Physical pain is at times excruciating, yet it can take us to our Truth. It can make us realize that our physical bodies are not going to last forever. I know that my physical pain has brought me closer to God/the Truth than I could have ever imagined. I am not afraid of death, I am afraid that I will not be able to live! That is a great place to be! Rather than thinking about what I CAN'T do, because of my physical limitations, I am taking inventory of what I CAN do! I have been given the opportunity to look at my life and to think about what really matters to me. This is a blessing!

It's time to live! Right now!

I offer you this: Go within, right now! Don't wait for tomorrow! The time to live is right now.

Whatever you are feeling right now, FEEL IT! Don't push it away. Don't suppress it. Feel it, so that you may be free. Be true to the moment. Whatever you are feeling in this moment-- Feel it. And let it go.

Years ago, I asked my beloved teacher Sally Kempton how to deal with a particularly strong emotion I was dealing with. She said, "Experience it, and then let it go."

I will forever cherish these words. They are a jewel in my crown. They are so true. And now, two or three years after she said them to me, I am understanding their beauty in action.

May your life be lived to the fullest. May you accept everything that you are experiencing so that you may be free. May you experience your emotions and feelings as pulsations of energy that come and go: everything comes and goes, except for the Supreme Bliss of the Heart.

"The Heart is the hub of all places. Go there and roam" --Bhagawan Nityananda.

Blessings,
Bhakti


tags: jaibhakti, chronic pain, Sally Kempton, Bhagawan Nityananda