The Atman Is Beyond Stain

"The Inner Self (Atman) is blissful because it is not stained by the mechanics and ruminations of time."

~Bhakti Brophy

Photo & post © 2015 Brophy

JAI BHAKTI™ BLOG Reader Question Regarding My "Anger Management" Quote

A dear friend and fellow blogger, Judy, asked an interesting question regarding my "Anger Management" quote.
Here is my quote:

"Oh anger. I will stare you in the face until you bow down and melt back into Pure Consciousness. How Dare you veil my joy?"

Here is Judy's question:

"Is this your anger? Someone else's?"


Here is my answer to Judy's question:

What an interesting question!
In this case, it was indeed my anger.

Yesterday, I was experiencing a high level of physical pain, yet, I was still highly aware of the Divine Love swimming and dancing around in my Heart. This is an interesting experience, because I'm Witnessing both the physical and spiritual aspects of my being at both times. What a gift.Often when I am in a higher level of physical pain than normal, I cognitively "know" that this place within my Heart exists, yet the pain sensations veil the actual experience of being enveloped in Divine Love.

What happened was, while in this state of Union, I went onto YouTube and watched the Good Morning America interview with the jury foreman of the Jodi Arias trial, and while listening to him speak, I noticed this surge of anger welling up inside. As you probably know, when this type of anger wells up, the anger (ego) tries to take center stage. Being in the Witness State of watching my emotions, I literally "watched" and was totally aware of this anger consuming every part of my being: my face getting heated, thoughts racing, etc.

At that moment, I was left with a clear choice: react to the anger (feed the anger, by reacting to my thoughts, maybe leaving a disgruntled comment on YouTube) or simply continue watching the emotion of anger until it burns itself out and subsides. And that's what I chose to do.

All emotions are balls of constricted energy. They come from Pure Consciousness, and, ultimately, return back into pure consciousness. What happens in between those two points is ...well, it's usually a hot mess of drama! And more uncomfortable, un-enlightening emotions. 

Because I was connected to my Inner Self, I was able to see the exact moment when I was given the choice to react or observe.

I chose to observe and ride out the tsunami of anger until it dissipated.

I found your question so interesting.

The SAME technique, of observing, rather than reacting, can be employed when we are experiencing other's anger. 

I must admit, I often DO get caught up in my emotions and react. That's part of the human condition. People often talk of spiritual "practices" or their meditation "practice", and that's just it: until we become completely liberated form the trappings of the ego, we practice the techniques that keep us connected to our Inner Self, the Self of All (aka God, Pure Consciousness, Divinity, our Buddha nature, etc.).


And thank you for that enlightening question. It was quite interesting to go back and deconstruct yesterday's experience with the heated anger. The funniest thing is: I don't even know why the anger got so intense! What triggers us is not important; how we react is key. 

Who Are You?

In the last three weeks I have gone through two visits to the Emergency Room, a Cat Scan, an abdominal Ultrasound, and an Endoscopy (of my upper digestive system). I had such severe stomach spasms every single time I ate ANYTHING that, at times, my mother had to place ice on my back--at my request--while I sat crouched over in a fetal position crying, writhing in pain, and riffling off every single curse word I ever heard. I tried everything possible to find a comfortable position; there wasn't one. Even after all of these tests, and the visits to the ER (where they pumped me full of morphine and told me to take Percocet for the stomach pain), my doctors were still dumb-founded as to what was causing the severe pain and my inability to eat anything without the said pain. My gastroenterologist (whom I went to for the first time two weeks ago) kept saying that maybe the pain and spasms were from one of the medications that I am on for my spinal disease. I did my own research. I think he was right.

For the past 6 weeks or so, I have been taking a prescription drug that is supposed to ease nerve pain. The side effects that I found on WebMD lists severe stomach cramps (as well as a whole other host of side effects that I have but do not wish to share with the world on this blog). I have since been weened off of the drug, and I already notice that one of the most annoying side effects has disappeared.

So, for now, my life is fueled by Ensure and frozen yogurt. That's all I can eat without stomach spasms. I am hoping that by the time this prescription drug is fully out of my system that I will be back to normal and able to focus on getting my spinal disease under control (oh yes, I am still battling the chronic pain disease known as radiculopathy--remember that??).

The point of this post is not, as one might think, to complain, to ask for sympathy, or to depress my lovely readers. Here's what I am offering you today:
The severity of the pain that I experienced during the stomach spasms (and whatever else was going on) was beyond any amount of pain that I could ever imagine (and let's all remember that I have had over 12 surgeries and procedures in my life. In other words, I know pain). The beauty of all of this pain is that I was forced to enjoy the several hours of peace that I had in between the bouts of stomach induced pain. I made a conscious effort to find things to do that I loved during these several hours every day. As anyone who reads this blog religiously knows, I always tend to find the silver lining, but I'm talking about even more than that. I've learned so much more about life during these past three weeks than I ever imagined I could learn. I thought I had a pretty solid grasp of what happiness was, and how it is cultivated. These past three weeks literally taught me, first hand, that happiness lies nowhere else but within ourselves. That sounds elementary--and we've all heard it before, but believe me, when you are faced with chronic neck and arm pain and then, on top of that, are made to experience stomach pains that have you crying like a baby and writhing around on the floor, you are forced to face the reality that happiness must be cultivated from within. And, moreover, it doesn't take much at all to be happy. I'm talking about the purest form of happiness.

I'm not quite sure if I can put into words what I am trying to convey, because it was literally a very spiritual (personal) experience, and I'm not sure if anything so close to the Truth, as it were, can be put into words. But I can guarantee you that I am not the same person I was three weeks ago. I am stronger. I have more confindence. My faith has always been strong, but my confidence is bubbling over.

My wish is to share my gifts with the world (i.e. teaching meditation, working with gay youth, teaching writing, etc.). Going through such physical pain did something to me, and, like I've said before, I have been through my share of physical pain. The last three weeks have been unbelievably difficult. But I am stronger now.

Thank you for reading this long post.
(Please note: I have not yet had the chance to proof-read what I have written, so please excuse any typos, etc.)

With love,
Bhakti