Mystical Union With My Beloved Guru: A Poem

Communion with Gurumayi.
Sweet Communion.

I have been doing a
"Silent Weekend Retreat" at home.
Reflecting on The Self.
Contemplating the fact that I see
God everywhere, in every thing that exists.
(Why me? How did I get to this state?
Many lifetimes of inner work?
I am blessed beyond belief! Amen.)
Feeling the love and joy of the World
Pouring through my veins
While sunbathing in the backyard.

Earlier in the day, a doe pranced up to me--
She stopped about twenty feet away.
We gazed at each other for several precious moments.
I instantaneously recognized the doe
as a manifestation of Gurumayi.
(Gurumayi has an affinity for deer.)

Several hours later,
While lying on my stomach
Basking in the rejuvenating rays of the sun,
An image of myself sitting across
from Gurumayi entered my mind.
I felt her presence sitting across from me--
Her in a light-golden silk robe,
Sitting with her bare feet on the floor.
We were at her ashram
In a vanilla ice cream colored room.
I sat silently,
Absorbing her presence.
I was basking in OUR energy-
Our Love.

I drifted out of the lovely darshan
And began wondering if I could ever
Get a privite sitting with Gurumayi.
I began contemplating writing
to her ashram with this inquiry in mind.
I got only so far as beginning to wonder
What I would write in this letter
When I realized that
I WAS in the presence of my Beloved Gurumayi.
She WAS sitting before me,
Blessing me with her darshan.

We sat across from each other--
Gazing into each other's eyes.
I was absorbing our energy--
While she sat reflecting my purity, my spirit,
my light, and my innate Love.
No need for answers;
There are no more questions to ask.

(Two years ago,
I had already thanked her for
Everything she has already given to me--
Mainly igniting the dorment
Light of God within.)

This current darshan was pure LOVE.
I contemplated bowing down and kissing her feet.
She made it clear that this was not necessary.
Gurumayi sat across from me
And she slowly became transparent--
I, too, dissolved.
Our energies merged.

Gurumayi blessed me with her darshan
In such a graceful way
As to bless me with my own darshan.
We are One.
We have merged.

Our love is beyond words.
Our love is the purest form possible--
Indescribable,
And all intoxicating.
Our love is the reflection
of the light of God within.

Om Namah Shivaya.
Sadgurunath Maharaj ki Jay!

My wish is that everyone, everywhere realize that the light of God (please substitute whatever name you give to the sustaining force of the universe) is right within your own heart. You possess the light of God. You are a manifestation of God. No matter how 'bad' or 'sinful' you think you are, the light within your own heart is ten-million times stronger than any transgression. No matter how much pain and suffering you are undergoing, remember that
there is a calmness underneath that 'storm'. Meditation is the key in finding that peaceful place within.


Life is good.
My love,

Bhakti


For guidance in understanding the mystical experience of 'darshan', here is the Wikipedia definition: Darshan is a Sanskrit and Hindu (also used to some extent in Urdu) term meaning sight (in the sense of an instance of seeing something or somebody), vision, apparition, or a glimpse. It is most commonly used for visions of the divine; that is, of a god or a very holy person or artifact. We could have a "darshan" of the deity in the temple (at the gross level) or have a "darshan" in that inward eye of a light or awareness (at a subtle plane).

Definition of Guru: One who dispels the darkness of ignornance. (On a personal note, I would like to personally add that a 'true' Guru is one who ultimately teaches you that what you are searching for is right inside yourself. I would be weary of any guru who teaches otherwise. My Guru (Gurumayi) has showed me the light within myself. I am forever grateful, as I believe the above poem reflects. )

tags: Jaibhakti, mysticism, Gurumayi, poetry, darshan, Self-realization

Who Are You?

In the last three weeks I have gone through two visits to the Emergency Room, a Cat Scan, an abdominal Ultrasound, and an Endoscopy (of my upper digestive system). I had such severe stomach spasms every single time I ate ANYTHING that, at times, my mother had to place ice on my back--at my request--while I sat crouched over in a fetal position crying, writhing in pain, and riffling off every single curse word I ever heard. I tried everything possible to find a comfortable position; there wasn't one. Even after all of these tests, and the visits to the ER (where they pumped me full of morphine and told me to take Percocet for the stomach pain), my doctors were still dumb-founded as to what was causing the severe pain and my inability to eat anything without the said pain. My gastroenterologist (whom I went to for the first time two weeks ago) kept saying that maybe the pain and spasms were from one of the medications that I am on for my spinal disease. I did my own research. I think he was right.

For the past 6 weeks or so, I have been taking a prescription drug that is supposed to ease nerve pain. The side effects that I found on WebMD lists severe stomach cramps (as well as a whole other host of side effects that I have but do not wish to share with the world on this blog). I have since been weened off of the drug, and I already notice that one of the most annoying side effects has disappeared.

So, for now, my life is fueled by Ensure and frozen yogurt. That's all I can eat without stomach spasms. I am hoping that by the time this prescription drug is fully out of my system that I will be back to normal and able to focus on getting my spinal disease under control (oh yes, I am still battling the chronic pain disease known as radiculopathy--remember that??).

The point of this post is not, as one might think, to complain, to ask for sympathy, or to depress my lovely readers. Here's what I am offering you today:
The severity of the pain that I experienced during the stomach spasms (and whatever else was going on) was beyond any amount of pain that I could ever imagine (and let's all remember that I have had over 12 surgeries and procedures in my life. In other words, I know pain). The beauty of all of this pain is that I was forced to enjoy the several hours of peace that I had in between the bouts of stomach induced pain. I made a conscious effort to find things to do that I loved during these several hours every day. As anyone who reads this blog religiously knows, I always tend to find the silver lining, but I'm talking about even more than that. I've learned so much more about life during these past three weeks than I ever imagined I could learn. I thought I had a pretty solid grasp of what happiness was, and how it is cultivated. These past three weeks literally taught me, first hand, that happiness lies nowhere else but within ourselves. That sounds elementary--and we've all heard it before, but believe me, when you are faced with chronic neck and arm pain and then, on top of that, are made to experience stomach pains that have you crying like a baby and writhing around on the floor, you are forced to face the reality that happiness must be cultivated from within. And, moreover, it doesn't take much at all to be happy. I'm talking about the purest form of happiness.

I'm not quite sure if I can put into words what I am trying to convey, because it was literally a very spiritual (personal) experience, and I'm not sure if anything so close to the Truth, as it were, can be put into words. But I can guarantee you that I am not the same person I was three weeks ago. I am stronger. I have more confindence. My faith has always been strong, but my confidence is bubbling over.

My wish is to share my gifts with the world (i.e. teaching meditation, working with gay youth, teaching writing, etc.). Going through such physical pain did something to me, and, like I've said before, I have been through my share of physical pain. The last three weeks have been unbelievably difficult. But I am stronger now.

Thank you for reading this long post.
(Please note: I have not yet had the chance to proof-read what I have written, so please excuse any typos, etc.)

With love,
Bhakti