DONNA LYNN BROPHY SPINAL DISEASES FUNDRAISER!

Please help Donna (aka Bhakti) get the spinal surgery she needs in NYC.

“We can find inspiration in various walks of life. Whenever we see someone rising above their limitations, having the courage to continue to not only be creative in the face of great adversity, but also to excel, these people raise the bar for all of us and seeing them continue to find a way can be tremendously inspiring. Donna is just one of those people. Her passion for music and the guitar has given her the courage and strength to rise above tremendous limitation. And this is how one can change the world for the better. By being an excellent example. You go sister!”
 - Steve Vai
*Guitar Virtuoso (Frank Zappa, David Lee Roth, PIL, Whitesnake)
*Four time Grammy Award Winner 
*Symphonic Composer


Donna Lynn Brophy (aka Bhakti) was hit by a car in 1997, resulting in multiple surgeries, including cervical spinal reconstruction in 2005.  Living with spinal cord nerve root injuries and four incurable spinal diseases causes Donna severe chronic pain and has left her virtually bedridden and 100% disabled.

Donna’s insurance no longer covers the cost of her disability and care. Therefore, her family has set up a SUPPLEMENTAL NEEDS TRUST to help provide all the costs that insurance and governmental benefits deny.  This Trust will make it possible for her to have cutting edge surgery in NYC.  These costs are significant, costing tens of thousands of dollars each year.
Please help Donna maintain her current level of care and quality of life.


Donations can be made online through www.gofundme.com/GoBrophy

or by mailing a check to:


Donna Lynn Brophy Supplemental Needs Trust
    P.O.Box 556
    Cedar Knolls, NJ 07927

THANK YOU! 🙏

Cervical Posterior Foraminotomy: ANIMATED

(I have had two major cervical spine surgeries due to radiculopathy of the C-5, C-6, and C-7 nerve roots. If you have any questions regarding either a cervical spine fusion or a foraminotomy surgery (i.e. the recovery time, etc.) please don't hesitate to email me at jaibhakti@aol.com. There isn't much info on the web about radiculopathy; I will share whatever information I do have. --Bhakti)

When I got my new laptop, I made the mistake of thinking I was in my late teens and in art school, and began having marathon typing sessions in which I tried to get everything down on paper that had been stuck inside my head for the past six months. My mistake. I do this all the time: I get an idea in my head and I rush out of the starting gate like a race horse that hasn't peed in a year, just trying to achieve my goal. I don't know how to pace myself. Couple that with the fact that my pain levels have doubled since my last surgery--and that my hands have also been afflicted with two new physical conditions due to the surgery--and it's easy to see how I shot myself in the foot by typing as if I don’t have physical limitations.

I must confess, the first few days I had my laptop, I went a little overboard with the typing and didn't listen to my body when it let me know that I should stop and rest for awhile. I enjoyed my reentry into the blogosphere so much that I even created my Bhakti Love Poems blog. Then, the proverbial shit hit the fan and I began waking up unable to open my fingers (my hand clenched in fist position), and got sharp, lightning bolt pains down both sides of my back. Now, I get burning sensations from my neck down either side of my spine when I type too long --the same pain as in my left arm. It's quite painful. I know I am to blame for some of this because, as stated above, I didn't honor my body when it told me to stop typing (who can stop typing after a mere half hour when there are so many ideas waiting to come to fruition?), and, I must admit, I hadn't been sitting in the most ergonomically correct position while typing.

I'm telling you about this because I just found an animated version of the surgical procedure I had done on my spine this past November. After watching the video animation it became a little clearer to me why it is so important to hold my head up straight while typing--and throughout the day in general; my spine is, as my doctor says, "very unstable in the back of the neck."

Anyone who has been reading JAI BHAKTI since it’s inception knows that the front of my neck fell apart and is held together with a four inch plate and eight titanium screws, however I never actually understood what my neurosurgeon did to the back of my neck until I watched this animation.

CLICK HERE to watch an animated video illustrating what a cervical posterior foraminotomy looks like. I was enlightened; perhaps you will be too!

Click here to see both x-rays of my neck.

Maybe now that I've seen the, cervical posterior foraminotomy animation I'll be a little easier on myself with regard to why I feel so much pain all of the time. On a physical level, I understand why I am in so much pain. On a spiritual level, I do not understand the 'why' of it at all; but it certainly has been one heck of a ride.

tags: Jaibhakti, Bhakti Brophy, foraminotomy, meditation, spinal surgery,

I'm Alive!

Dearest Friends--'Just a little note to let you know that I am home from the hospital. My surgery lasted four hours and my hospital stay was four days. I didn't have the greatest experience this time: the Neurology floor, at Morristown Memorial Hospital, couldn't get their act together with regard to giving me my pain medications on time. In fact, I went without pain meds for the first 8 hours after my surgery! I had a low dosage of pain killers to combat the surgically induced pain, but they neglected to give me my maintenance drugs for my chronic pain/radiculopathy condition! Can you believe that? I'm happy to state that my neurosurgeon was pleased with the condition of my spinal chord--he stated that all of my pain is caused by damaged nerve roots and that I have no damage to my spinal chord itself--i.e. there is no 'mechanical' problem with my spine. I suppose that IS a good thing--although I am hardly able to celebrate that fact because of the amount of pain I am experiencing. I have NEVER experienced pain like this before. I actually had to visit the Emergency Room--and be admitted to the hospital--the day after I was released from the hospital from my surgery! I went to the ER for two specific reasons: 1) the pain was excruciating--so much so that every time I tried to roll over in bed, I would get a sharp/lighting bolt type of shooting pain down my back and up my skull--all starting from the place of the surgical incision. Once I got to the ER, I was treated for a fever, too. (It never ends!!!)

Something horrible happened after I was admitted to the hospital from the ER; I won't go into all of the specifics, but--in a nutshell--the admitting doctor refused to let me see a pain management specialist! He wouldn't even talk to MY pain management doctor on the phone (so that my doctor could assure him that I truly DO suffer from a chronic pain illness and that I hadn't gone to the hospital just in order to score some new pills.) The NERVE of this man--insinuating that I am less than a model citizen and that I lacked character. Basically, that's what he was saying. He yelled at me; I yelled back at him! Ultimately, I left the hospital in more pain than when I arrived at the ER just 16 hours earlier!

A lot more happened than that, but I'm so incredibly sore and tired, I don't want to go into it right now. I think I will tell you this one other thing (hey Gyrobo, I think you'll like this!): I kept waking up with blood on my pillow-so I assumed it was my incision that was oozing, as incisions tend to do after surgery. No such luck. It turns out that I had about six needles stuck into my skull so that my pain management physiologist Dr. Rao--a very kind and funny man from India, whom I love to death--could monitor my brain waves and nerve reactions. This enabled him to tell my neurosurgeon, Dr. Chun, when he was getting too close to my spinal chord. Well, it was one of the puncture wounds from the needle that kept bleeding onto my pillow. The needles he used were about the size of acupuncture needles (extremely tiny in diameter), which made me wonder how such a tiny hole could bleed so profusely. That's when Dr. Rao--whose office I visited yesterday--told me that one of the needles was larger than all of the rest and had to be screwed into my skull!!! EEEeeewwww! I have this hole in the side of my head that is about 1/3 the size of a dime. That's pretty big!

Well, that's it for now. I am on very high levels of medication right now, and I am unable to move around freely--I am supposed to stay in bed for at least the next two weeks. I will not be posting anything during those two weeks. However, if I get up the strength, I will check in to read your comments.

Thank you for all of your well wishes. By the way, I am happy to report that meditation, contemplation, and being in the company of friends and family are the three things (besides the drugs!) that have gotten me this far along on my recovery: my doctor surely wasn't joking when he said that this recovery would be ten times worse than my last surgery!

I hope this finds YOU well.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving!
Much love,
Bhakti

tags: Jaibhakti, Bhakti Brophy, spinal surgery, Dr. Jay Chun, Dr. Rajesh Rao,

SPINAL SURGERY: TUESDAY NOVEMBER 14

My Aunt Annie just sent me this nastalgic photograph of myself (right) and Cousin Chrissy down at the Jersey Shore about...hmm...probably 30 years ago. (Many of you who have been with me since the inception of JAI BHAKTI will remember that Cousin Chrissy--or 'C.C.' as she prefers to be called--is the kind relative of mine who once begged me to come over for dinner and then served me a baked potato; she had nothing else vegetarian in the house. CLICK HERE for details.)

Well, friends, tomorrow is the day: I am going into the Morristown Memorial Hospital to have another spinal surgery. This time around, my (incredible!) neuro-surgeon, Dr. Jay Chun, is going to try to free up some of the space around the C-5, C-6 nerve roots (in the back of my neck) so that I do not experience so much pain from the cervical radiculopathy that causes so much of my pain.

I know it has been a long time coming; I've actually been waiting for over a year for this surgery! I want to thank you all for your continued love and support. While I'm gone, you can check out my other blog: A LITTLE BENT. This is where you will find my memoirs (note: I use the pseudonym Marcy_Peanut for my memoirs). They're pretty hilarious. Enjoy!

Much love,
Bhakti

tags: Jaibhakti, Bhakti Brophy, Dr. Jay Chun, radiculopathy, spinal Surgery,

ANOTHER SURGERY...

On October 12th, at 7:30 AM, I will be undergoing another spinal surgery; this time to try to 'make some space' around the nerve roots in order to alleviate some of the pain I have been living with for the past 13 months. I am SO looking forward to this surgery (you know you're in pain when you are actually looking forward to having your neck sliced open!). I can't wait--bring on the scalpal, boys!

Lest I jest, what I am looking forward to is being able to wake up in the morning without my arm feeling like I have a hot butcher knife sticking out of it (the stabbing feeling in my arm is unbelievable. It truly is beyond words.). The feeling in my upper left arm is akin to a tattoo needle buzzing away day-in-and-day-out. Yes, the last time I got a tattoo the tattoo artist was surprised that I didn't flinch once. I told him, "I live with this kind of pain every moment of my life--except when I'm in deep sleep or in deep meditation."

My energy levels have been really low for the past month: my adrenal hormones are actually running low. It's not difficult to image why, is it? Dealing with this level of pain for 13 months straight is bound to wear a person out; and, believe me, it has. I actually lost my temper in a HUGE way last week--but I'll save that for another post. Right now my only interest is in focusing on getting my energy levels back up. This takes a good deal of inner energy work; my background in Chi-Kung is proving fruitful. But more than that, I also need the aide of others. I am currently looking into finding a Pranayama breath/energy healer who is actually able to transmit healing energy.

Why am I telling you this? Hey--because I also need YOU! Yes--once again, I would like to ask you to please pray for me. Even if you aren't given to prayer, perhaps you could take a moment and just contemplate the fact that I am asking for healing energies from the universe--from you! And then eat a bar of chocolate in my honor (Yes! Dark chocolate scores higher points in the 'I'm not prayin' but I'll eat chocolate for ya' department!).

In closing, I would like to say that I really do feel your prayers, so please keep them coming. And, if you would be so kind, please pray that my energy supply is replenished a.s.a.p..

Thank you!
Until next time,
Love and All Great Blessings to you all,
Bhakti

tags: Jaibhakti, Bhakti Brophy, spinal surgery, cats, cat photography, prayers, spirituality,

QUOTE OF THE MONTH and other nonsensical wisdomisms...

We learn from history that we learn nothing from history.

-George Bernard Shaw

No, I couldn't have said it better myself. We learn nothing from history. All we learn from history is to keep looking back to predict what will be. There is no 'what will be''; it's totally out of our control. I'm not talking about the absence of free will, it's just that, well, shit happens.

Lately, I'd been pushing my emotions away: Not dealing with anymore fear! Not dealing with any more pain! Not dealing with any more anger! Etc. Etc. However, that approach didn't work for me. Ultimately, I ended up crashing hard just in order to face the reality that was at hand.

My good friend Sally said to me something along the line that if you try to escape there is no escaping. That is SO true. I knew it was true with relation to emotional pain, but I didn't know it was true for physical pain as well. WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT??? you may be asking at this point. Well, what I'm talking about is rather than running away from the physical and mental pain that I have been going through lately, I learned that hard way that it is much easier and much more beneficial to just stare the pain right in the face, with a loving eye. No more running from the pain. Accepting, acknowledging, labeling, and then ultimately letting go of the resistance to pain is the only way to go about freeing myself from the pain.

I knew this before! I mean, I wrote an essay called Enter the Pain just a couple of months ago; but as the pain worsened the months went on, somehow I got into the habit of running from the pain--of creating diversions (TV, books, crushes on people I can't have, etc.). I didn't even realize I was copping out of the 'fight' until my meditation teacher/friend Sally told me to face the fears dead on. So I bit the bullet and began my regular meditation practice again. The result so far is that I've realized that I had reached an edge. When I was at what Pema Chodron calls the 'groundless' stage, I realized that there was no where else to hide. Nothing that I was doing was working. At the worst point in this running away charade I actually felt like I was leaning forward to get away from my mind and my body! No joke. Sounds crazy, but it's not. It was at that point that I began to ask for help. And it was at that point that I became so incredibly angry at my entire situation (chronic pain syndrome, radiculopathy, limited mobility for the past 9 months, and then having to resign from my teaching position) that I was able to move to a different stage. I cried out my anger. I acknowledged the pain. The fear. The anxiety. And, most importantly, the undying love that is still at my core. I realized that there is no fight, there is only acknowledgment and acceptance.

Why am I telling you all of this? For many reasons.

One: because I love my blog readers. I miss you and I want you to know that I miss you.

Two: I just wanted to convey that I had reached a really depressing stage in my recovery from this spinal surgery and its peripheral complications--yet, now I am beginning to see that perhaps hitting this dark space was very important so that I could make room for some light. It's all a part of my journey, and I thank GOD that I have such an incredible support system to help keep me on track!

Three: I finally felt like bloggin. :)

Thank you for listening. Thanks for you prayers and lovely comments.

Love,

Bhakti

tags: Jaibhakti, meditation, pain, spirituality