QUOTE OF THE MONTH and other nonsensical wisdomisms...
We learn from history that we learn nothing from history.
-George Bernard Shaw
No, I couldn't have said it better myself. We learn nothing from history. All we learn from history is to keep looking back to predict what will be. There is no 'what will be''; it's totally out of our control. I'm not talking about the absence of free will, it's just that, well, shit happens.
Lately, I'd been pushing my emotions away: Not dealing with anymore fear! Not dealing with any more pain! Not dealing with any more anger! Etc. Etc. However, that approach didn't work for me. Ultimately, I ended up crashing hard just in order to face the reality that was at hand.
My good friend Sally said to me something along the line that if you try to escape there is no escaping. That is SO true. I knew it was true with relation to emotional pain, but I didn't know it was true for physical pain as well. WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT??? you may be asking at this point. Well, what I'm talking about is rather than running away from the physical and mental pain that I have been going through lately, I learned that hard way that it is much easier and much more beneficial to just stare the pain right in the face, with a loving eye. No more running from the pain. Accepting, acknowledging, labeling, and then ultimately letting go of the resistance to pain is the only way to go about freeing myself from the pain.
I knew this before! I mean, I wrote an essay called Enter the Pain just a couple of months ago; but as the pain worsened the months went on, somehow I got into the habit of running from the pain--of creating diversions (TV, books, crushes on people I can't have, etc.). I didn't even realize I was copping out of the 'fight' until my meditation teacher/friend Sally told me to face the fears dead on. So I bit the bullet and began my regular meditation practice again. The result so far is that I've realized that I had reached an edge. When I was at what Pema Chodron calls the 'groundless' stage, I realized that there was no where else to hide. Nothing that I was doing was working. At the worst point in this running away charade I actually felt like I was leaning forward to get away from my mind and my body! No joke. Sounds crazy, but it's not. It was at that point that I began to ask for help. And it was at that point that I became so incredibly angry at my entire situation (chronic pain syndrome, radiculopathy, limited mobility for the past 9 months, and then having to resign from my teaching position) that I was able to move to a different stage. I cried out my anger. I acknowledged the pain. The fear. The anxiety. And, most importantly, the undying love that is still at my core. I realized that there is no fight, there is only acknowledgment and acceptance.
Why am I telling you all of this? For many reasons.
One: because I love my blog readers. I miss you and I want you to know that I miss you.
Two: I just wanted to convey that I had reached a really depressing stage in my recovery from this spinal surgery and its peripheral complications--yet, now I am beginning to see that perhaps hitting this dark space was very important so that I could make room for some light. It's all a part of my journey, and I thank GOD that I have such an incredible support system to help keep me on track!
Three: I finally felt like bloggin. :)
Thank you for listening. Thanks for you prayers and lovely comments.
Love,
Bhakti
tags: Jaibhakti, meditation, pain, spirituality
Labels: Bhakti Brophy, fortitude, George Bernhard Shaw, Jai Bhakti, jaibhakti, living with chronic pain, living with spinal injuries, posterior foraminotomy, quote, spinal surgery
posted by Unknown at 11:00 PM
12 Comments:
Hang in there sweetie
Nice to hear from you again, Bhakti! I'm glad you have found a new approach on the whole pain thing.
I too have been having some back problems lately, due, I think, to the darn 23 degree tilt of the earth, of all things! All of my schemes for un-tilting the earth have, so far, failed. I know, I know--success would mean the end of seasonal variation in the Earth's climate, but I'm willing to make that sacrifice if it means getting my ollie airwalks back.
At any rate, I'm going to try embracing the pain, as you say. But the pain's in my back, and attempting to embrace it just makes my spine more sore! So, I'm just going to hold my nose and dive right down to the heart of the pain.
Hope to see you there!
It is indeed good to hear from you Bhakti! As you know, I understand pain - pain and I have had a very close, personal and intimate relationship. Pain was, at one time, my one and only - it can be very selfish that way. We have come to an understanding though - it is now a relationship I can live with. It is my hope and prayer that you will find that balance with your struggles. It is a prayer that appears to have been heard. Stay positive - you can do this!
~Mike
Nice to have you back, Bhakti. You are so right. If you don't face your demons this time around, sooner or later, you will have to anyway. Better to get through it now than prolong the agony.
I guess it's true when they say you have to hit bottom before you can recover.
I admire your courage!
MARK: That's great prasad--you know, loving kindness from a Siddha yogi. Thank you! :)
FLATLANDER: Gray is the color of my true loves hair! (at least that's what color your avatar's hair is. Thanks for always writing such cool comments. You are a great writer, and a terrific...friend!
MR.A: What sort of things help you deal with chronic pain?? Do tell!! :)
KENJU: How are you doing, sweetie??
You are still in my prayers. :)
TSHSMOM: Courage? Yes, I suppose it IS courage that helps one look fear right in the face. Courage and Grace. ;)
I shaved off much of my hair yesterday, and yes, there was a wee bit of grey. It was bound to happen :-)
One of my friends got a knee surgery, and he couldn't walk for a while, tons of people experience this too, but can get through fine.
Meditation is cool!
Only the ocean can cure you. Lie back and feel the calming waves of saltwater.
Space works just as well.
U make this sad lad go mad ..
We are there , mate , and yeah im delighted to see you again .
Sorry it took me time to visit you back . ( BLAME ME ... argh )
and as far as PAIN is concerned ..
GOD is the only answer .
But , change is permanent too .
You cant be happy always , you got to take inside some pain too...
U can do nothing abt that .. But being my friend , u are in my hearts and behold , your condition will change .
i assure you of that .
FLATLANDER: Oh, tell me about it. The gray in my head is starting to sprout--but only on the upper right side. I wonder what that means? :{
SALBERT: Was the knee surgery on the knee or on some other part of the body?
HANUMAN: How are you doing these days, my silly monkey God? ;)
Seriously, how goes by you?
GYROBO: According to Frank Zappa, the ocean is the only solution. I have no idea what that means, but I think you do. ????????
BOOTCAT: Thank you for your lovely comments. I am so glad that I am in your prayers. You are a lovely friend. I do cherish you. Namaste!
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