CAVERNS OF THE MIND: SPIRITUALITY and FEAR

Spiritual Seekers--

Experiential knowledge of the Truth within and without does not erase the existence of the human condition.

When your spiritual energy (Goddess Kundalini Shákti) is awakened, you'll notice your practice becomes somewhat of a roller coaster ride as the kundalini touches upon charged energy pockets of the subconscious. I call these pockets the "caverns of the mind".

As the intensity ramps up, this time in our practice can seem a bit overwhelming. At times the emotions can be so intense that we feel like abandoning our practice. But the Goddess Kundalini is alluring, She keeps us coming back to the mat by entertaining us with visual and kinesthetic experiences that are as euphoric as the emotions are gut wrenching.

Fear is the greatest obstacle to spiritual freedom. Fear is the antithesis of freedom.

Fear caused the most upheaval in my practice (and life!) during this three year period of intense practice with the Goddess after shaktipat diksha.  For months I was playing Whack-A-Mole with my mind: every time I worked through one fear, another popped up.

The key is to work through your fears.

As much as you'd prefer to call it quits and go back to a life of ignorant bliss (that's not really bliss, tho, is it?), your practice will continually pull you back. In my early twenties I read a quote by Chögyam Trungpa, and it has proven to be true--"Once you're on the spiritual train, there's no getting off." This is a good thing. A boon of the highest order.

So what do we do with fear?

First we must acknowledge it's existence. Sit quietly, focusing on the natural rhythm of the breath. Once you're attuned to the sensations in your body, ask the question, "What emotions am I feeling right now?" You may be surprised at the answer: sometimes we think we're angry, 
but we discover we're actually sad. We think we're feeling guilt, but we're feeling fear.

By focusing on our breath and centering ourselves, we're distancing ourselves from the mind and letting our physical intelligence (intuition) lead us to the truth of what we're feeling.

I'm sharing all of this with you because even though my three years of intense austerities was years ago, and my practice is quite ordinary without the bells and whistles, I still go through periods of intense emotional upheaval. Not nearly as often as I used to, but I do get thrown off center, lose my footing, so to speak, and stumble.

It only makes sense, tho, right?

The spiritual energy is purifying our body, mind, and spirit. Sometimes this purging is done while in meditation without any 
feelings of upheaval. Other times, we are forced to face our fears head on. If we don't, they're just going to gain more momentum and come back with a vengeance until we acknowledge them.

Okay, you've sat quietly and you recognize you're filled with fear. Most times simply naming the emotion "Fear" and staring it straight in the face will help loosen its grip.

Our emotions want to be acknowledged. They're like little kids begging for attention, "Look at me! Look at me! I'm right here!" Once we've acknowledged it, we can sit quietly with the emotion, simply watching and feeling its presence, until it's transmuted back into pure consciousness energy. (This takes practice, but its worth the effort. Watching charged emotions dissolve back into pure 
consciousness energy is enlightening. To experience first hand the existence, sustenance, and dissolution of something is mystical, for this cycle is the cycle of birth, life, and death.)

Sometimes we need to go deeper, and explore the root of our fear. Such was the case in my practice the past two weeks. My practice itself was beautiful, but dealing with the mind stuff it brought up felt like pulling teeth; I was (am) dealing with shame that's surfaced from a traumatic childhood experience. Not fun, but necessary for my spiritual growth, as well as my overall growth and health as a human being.

This shame has been controlling so many facets of my adult life, creating so much fear--Once I realized this to be the case, I used meditation and contemplation (raja yoga), and studying of scripture and texts pertinent to my specific trauma (jnana yoga), to get at the root cause--to pull the roots of this samskara out of my subconscious mind. There's still much work to do. I feel I've pulled back enough layers of the onion that I'm finally at the door to healing. After all this work, I'm ready to begin the real work. Such is the spiritual life!

While navigating my way through this upheaval--and I use the word "navigating" because I felt lost many times-- I cried often and a lot.

Again, it was not fun. It was not easy. But I know that everything is a purification. The Goddess is expelling that which is keeping me bound.

Remember that everything IS energy,
even the pain and angst. And it's not only okay to cry, it's physiologically necessary to expel the grief, fear, etc., from our system in order to heal.

Remember that our sadhana (spiritual path/practice) is for the sake of our freedom from everything that keeps us bound to the cycle of birth and death. Our practice is not for nothing. The goal is yoga: Union with our highest Self. That which is beyond shame and fear. That which is our birthright. That which we already are and always have been, but which is often veiled by the play of consciousness in the form of maya (illusion).

Its best to write these truths down on Post-It Notes and index cards and keep them handy, because we're unable to recall these truths when we're in the throws of maya.

In closing, I would like to add the importance of
having spiritual friends and mentors, someone who's been where you stand now. (Be sure to use your intuition: anyone who claims your spiritual growth is contingent upon how much you pay him or her, or asks for egregious "donations", is most certainly a charlatan).

Remembering that you're not alone is key to weathering the caverns of the mind. All Great seekers go through this purification. Take refuge in the scriptures, too. I consider the Svetashvetara Upanishad home, and lose myself within the words often.

Also, it's good to remember to lean on the things that bring joy to your life. We're not martyrs. It's vital to let yourself experience joy while going through these upheavals. For me, it's music. Sometimes spiritual music in the form of kirtan, Qawwali, namaskirtana, bhajans. Other times, it's the grace infused compositions of my beloved friends Jason Becker, Steve Vai, and Vernon Reid, respectively. This week it's been all about Jason. 

We are human. Balancing our spiritual and daily lives is a tough road to navigate at first, but in time the two merge. And this is grace.

Love and All Great Blessings to you,
as my own Self.

Bhakti


Namo Namah





*Eternal thank yous and salutations to Sally ji Kempton [Swamiji Durgananda] for her countless years of altruism, asking only one thing in return: that I practice with great love and devotion. So much love.

Essay © 2015 D.L. Bhakti Brophy
"Caverns of the Mind"© 2002 D.L.Brophy
All Rights Reserved 

JAI BHAKTI™ BLOG: Silver Linings Amidst Disability

Dear Ones,

"'Tis almost the season
to recline outside
And commune with the sky!"

I love when words flow through me, like the above poem. AUM.

Once you have experienced and lived from the hub of ALL creation, you see definitively that there's always a silver lining, no matter the level of chaos you are experiencing in the objectified field of awareness.

Chaos, too, is a manifestation of the One: Pure Consciousness.
Everything is a manifestation of the One.

This is what Subramuniyaswami refers to as DANCING SHIVA, and Baba Muktananda (as well as Vedic and Sufi mystics before him) called The Play of Consciousness.

Being 100% physically disabled and not able to sit up, one of my silver linings is becoming One with the sky (not that we have ever been parted!).

Find the One.

Discover WHO YOU ARE...your Truth...and meditate. Contemplate this Truth.

(Fifteen years ago, while on personal retreat at the now famous Omega Institute, a fellow devotee/bhakta recommended I read the back cover of TALKS WITH RAMANA MAHARSHI. I suggest you do the same. Read everything Ramana wrote...and watch the layers of your small self peel away.)

Find forms of remembrance because, friends, there are many levels of "enlightenment", and when maya tests your will, chances are you will need to remember what you have forgotten. (My quote, "I forgot to remember" sums up the dark night of the soul quite well. There is the dark night that lasts awhile, different for every seeker, and then, as has been my experience, we fall back into that place from time to time on our journey towards freedom from the cycle of birth and death.)

Twenty seven glorious years since I became
immersed in the glorious, cognitive pursuit of who, what, when, where, and why (jnana yoga);
glorious is an apt word, to be sure.

For me,  ever since childhood, the epiphanies  and experiences always came first, and then the pursuit of meaning, relativity...etc.
The journey through the fields of maya have been challenging, but as my beloved Guru said to me eleven years ago: "Sadhana is sweet, like a flower." Life may kick me down often and a lot...but indeed, my sadhana is sweet. So much grace.

How can I look out at this sky and not believe that everything is in perfect order--even while immersed in legal battle with Medicare to get my spinal meds paid for? (Thank you to my lawyer, from Maricopa, AZ, who is helping me pro bono. You see...right there: grace! More on that later.)


Eternal Blessings to you, as my very own Self.

Namo Namah
Bhakti




JAI BHAKTI ™ BLOG
CELEBRATING OUR TENTH YEAR ANNIVERSARY!

JAI BHAKTI™ BLOG: I KNOW THAT ALREADY!

As mentioned before, I'm taking this wonderful class with my beloved friend Sally Kempton and we're studying texts and concepts I've been working with for well over a decade-- VASHISTA'S YOGA, meditation on Pure Consciousness Awareness, non duality vs duality (I've reached a point where I see absolutely no difference between non duality and duality. At some point we all do, but that's for another time). Two of the passages we are to contemplate are actually the two major concepts at the core of my practice. So, when I sat (reclined) to work with them, my mind kept saying, "I know that already."

When we first met, Sally (going by the monastic name Swami Durgananda at the time) shared a wonderful story with me: her Guru told her to read a particular book and, upon handing her the book, her Guru said, "And don't tell me you know this already." Sally took the book and said, "But I do know this already!" One of my favorite stories! The Guru put Sally's ego in check, as any true Guru does with love for the devotee in his or her Heart. Sally reported that indeed she did have many wonderful new insights upon rereading the book.

I can't recall a time my mind has ever said "I know that already", with regard to spiritual practices. I know there are hundreds of layers to every teaching and I'm always enthusiastic about peeling away these layers and discovering new, deeper truths and meanings. However, this time, whenever I made the intention to work with the assigned passages, my mind kept shutting me down, "I know that already." So I countered my own thought with, "Bullshit. There are so many layers. Look at it from a new perspective."

Same response: "I know this already. These have been my core practices for over 12 years."

Even just reading the passages put me into the most serene meditation on pure awareness. Isn't that the purpose of a dharana technique after all? There arose another conflict: Work with the thought "I know that already" or simply bask in the sweet expansiveness of pure awareness?

I could have continued to sit with the blissful experience of satchittananda, but it wasn't sitting well with me that my mind was convinced "I know this already".  I turned that thought in on itself and contemplated what it means to believe "I know that already" with regard to these teachings.

(Note: If you've been following me on Twitter this month, you'll find several of the teachings on my feed: VASHISTA'S YOGA, On Creation. I didn't know Sally was going to teach these passages in her workshop, but upon reflection, it makes perfect sense, as they are the ones that always resonated most in the beginning of the book, and they are the core teachings of every spiritual teacher/saint/sage I have been studying for the past 26 years.)

I thought of Adi Shankara's beautiful commentary that gold jewelry was at first pure gold, is still pure gold even as a piece of jewelry, and will continue to be pure gold after it is melted down. I then reread the passage by Vashista stating the same metaphor for all that exists. I then said to myself, "I know this already", dropped the question What does it mean to know this already? into my consciousness, and sat in contemplation.

Sometimes when practicing contemplation it can take anywhere from a few seconds to several months for the answers to arise from within. The key is to not force anything, but to sit for awhile, and then get up and go about your life, trusting your intuition to reveal the answer at the appropriate time. (One or two contemplation sessions is enough for the answer to arise; be patient and "don't push the river!")

In today's contemplation, the answer was spontaneous. Here's what bubbled up to the surface from within: 

"If you knew this already you wouldn't still be bound (by thoughts), jackass."


Hahaha! I will admit, this is the first time I've ever received an intuitive response where I've been called a jackass, but truly, jackass is the perfect word to describe a mind that insists, "I know that already." My Inner Guru put my ego in check! Reminds me of Baba Muktananda's famous quote regarding ashram etiquette:  Leave your ego at the door.

Contemplation is brilliant because you get to the Truth and, like today, you kick your own mind's ass. (It is important as a sadhaka to be friends with your mind and remember that the mind is not the enemy. However, it's also important to put it in its place when necessary!)

In this post I hope to illustrate the importance of questioning your thoughts. Questioning your mind. Yes, I am familiar with the passages we are studying, I have worked with them extensively for over 12 years, discovering them in various forms from a multitude of teachers from many different paths. I also instinctively knew that there were more layers and a fresh perspective that could be found if I dug deep enough (the new perspective is fascinating--I will write about that in a future post). I wouldn't have found that perspective if I hadn't done contemplation.

Sally herself told me that having the thought "I know that already" is one of the greatest hindrances to growth. Indeed!

Not only has today's contemplation opened my eyes to many new ways of working with the spiritual Truths we are working with in Sally's class, but in the end I discovered--

There is a difference between knowing and realizing. Even in the context of experiential knowing.


Jai Bhakti!
Much Love to You All.


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©2014 DL Bhakti Brophy
All Rights Reserved

QUOTE #17 Anger Management

Oh anger. I will stare you in the face until you bow down and melt back into Pure Consciousness energy. How dare you veil my joy?
AUM



c. May 2013 D.L. Bhakti Brophy
All Rights Reserved.