I come from a very funny family (not just talking 'bout our looks, either). The other night, I joined my mom and dad for dinner and this joke rolled off my mom's tongue:
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One looks at the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"
tags:humor
Are your sure your dad was not talking about the dinner???
ReplyDeleteThe cannibal said it tasted 'funny', not burnt.
ReplyDelete(Just kiddin' Janey!)
:P
Ha!
ReplyDeleteAn elderly couple on a plane journey to Spain. The wife is hard of hearing. The male flight attendant asks the husband,
"Where are you from?" (FA)
"England" (Husband)
"What did he say?" (Wife)
"He asks where we are from." (Husband)
Ohhh..." (Wife)
"Whereabouts in England?" (FA)
"London" (Husband)
"What did he say?" (Wife)
"He asks whereabouts." (Husband)
"Ohhh..." (Wife)
"I met a woman from London once, she was absolutely horrid and to top it all she was even bad in bed!" (FA)
"What did he say?" (Wife)
"He knows you." (Husband)
Hope you are feeling happier! :)
LMAO!!
ReplyDeleteThat's classic...I shall have to tell this to my mom and dad!
Thanks for the laugh and the well wishing. :)
Haha. These jokes are too funny! Thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteI have one:
ReplyDeletePatrick came home one night and when he opened the door, his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan.
"what was that for?", he asked.
"I found a piece of paper with a phone number on it in your pants pocket", she said.
"Oh, that's not a phone number, it's just the number of the horse I am betting on at the track", he said.
"Oh, ok", she said, relieved.
The next night, Patrick came home again and when he got to the door, his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan again.
"what was that for?", he asked.
She replied,.............................................................. "Your horse called"
Your mom called.
ReplyDeleteThat was the worst joke ever told. And, trust me, my best friend has been trying to top that one for years, but his jokes are so bad they swing their way around the spectrum and become funny. This one merely caused the rolling of tumbleweeds and chirruping of crickets.
No, no, no: that joke suxored.
On another note, Bhakti, what do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying at your doorstep?
(Oh, yes, I've just 'gone there.')
Matt?
ReplyDeleteI'd call him SOL
ReplyDeletelol. it is funny. i also enjoyed milady`s and anon`s jokes. hey, thanks for linking me. i have done the same in mine.
ReplyDeleteI was literally just thinking to myself...I miss my Zombie Woofster! :(
ReplyDeleteBUT YOU'RE BACK!! yAHoO!!
:)
Bhakti - I still laugh at that one. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, water skiing?
ReplyDeleteThat was from me.
ReplyDelete-Alex
Hhhmmm...a guy with no arms and legs waterskiing. Let me think about this... *scratching my brow*...I would probably call him SOL, too!
ReplyDeleteThere are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary numbers and those who don't.
ReplyDeleteThere are 3 types of mathematicians in this world, those who can count and those who can't.
That's a good one. Got your message on my blog, and I totally understand!
ReplyDeleteYou hear about the two peanuts walking down the street? They were assualted.
ReplyDeleteOne later died from his injuries. The other is in critical condition.
11 18 05
ReplyDeleteHey Bhakti:
That is funny!!! LOL! Hey, I did a post today about Minke whales and their sounds. Since you like animals, perhaps this will interest you. I hope you are well and best wishes:)
An old Italian man lived alone in the country.
ReplyDeleteHe wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
'Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year.
I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.
If you were here my troubles would be over.
I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Pop'
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
'Dear Pop, Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden.
That's where I buried the BODIES. Love, Vinnie'
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.
They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
'Dear Pop, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Vinnie'
ROFLMAO!
ReplyDeleteLove Vinnie - Ha! :)
How are you feeling today?
Zombie Slayer I've never heard this one before!!
ReplyDeleteAlex I'm waiting patiently for the answer! :)
Mark 4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions. :)
Scott Thanks for visiting!
Gyrobo That's cute. I bet they were a-salted by almonds disguised as superheroes!
Mahndisa Hello! Thanks for the heads-up on the whale post. I'll check it out! And, yes, I am feeling much better today...thank you!
Johnny-Boy (AKA Bad*ss Milk-Dud Man)-- I , too, have joined Miladysa and am ROFLMAO!!!!
Thanks so much for sharing!!!
Milady Across the Pond I am feeling much better...thank you so much for inquiring. By the way...any luck with the meds? (NOT medications--mediTAtions!
HEY EVERYONE...THANKS SO MUCH FOR SHARING ALL OF YOUR JOKES, FUNNY THOUGHTS, AND BASIC IRREVERENCE. YOU'VE BRIGHTENED MY DAY TO NO END!
I dont really know many jokes (I can never remember them) I can only think of a couple (and if your not a musician they may not be funny) anyway.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you call a guy who hangs out with a bunch of musicians?
a drummer
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
homeless
How do you get a drummer to play his kit?
Start to tune your guitar
I dont mean to rip on drummers but like I said those are the only ones I remember
I can't remember my mom telling any jokes. She would, however, read us jokes she came across in magazines. One of my earliest memories--she had to explain the joke and I must of been about 6--had to do with a job applicant with a speech problem. THe interviewer was impressed that he'd spent the last four years in Yale (when it was Jail). I don't remember the joke, just her explaining it.
ReplyDelete" What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, water skiing?"
ReplyDeleteSkip!
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, who is out for a swim?
-Alex
Alex I know the answer to THIS one!!!
ReplyDelete*drumroll* BOB!
DEE- I've been playing the guitar since I was 7 and the drums since I was 16, so I TOTALLY get those jokes! Drumemrs are a different breed, aren't they!?!
ReplyDeleteSAGE-- The funny thing about my mom telling that joke was that
A) She remembered the punchline; and B) there was this eerie lull in conversation/argumentation at the dinner table that was like a vaccuum. My mom filled this vaccuum with the joke. It was just strange...but funny! Had to be there, I suppose!
Hey Dee - What do you do if a drummer knocks on your door?
ReplyDeleteYou take the pizza and pay him.
ROFLMAO!!!!
ReplyDeletevery funny!
ReplyDeleteI'm new to your blog, but I will surely be back for more. Thanks for the laugh.